how did i get here?

I've been asking myself that question everyday for the past 2 years. As I  I am about to embark on my journey with the lap band I knew that I not only wanted to document the process, but I also wanted to be a part of a community of women who can understand what this experience is like.

The historical basics:

• my weight started to rise in college when I was away from home for the first time and felt free to eat ho ho's and diet coke for breakfast, lunch or dinner
• after grad school went to WW for the first time after seeing the Duchess on Oprah, loved it...have been back 7 more times, never worked for me like the first time
• woked with a behavioral therapist and lost 17 pounds before my wedding, still felt I was bigger than I should have been a that time, if only I knew what was coming
• after a miscarriage hit the ho ho's hard and gained 20 pounds before being pregnant again
• gestational diabetes with my pregnancy and after the birth the diabetes never went away and neither did the weight
• one more pregnancy and birth ...felt out of control
• did a medically supervised weightloss program, focused on protein, diet and exercise- lost 40 pounds- each and everyone came back with 10 of their friends
• looked into lapband - the surgeon I met with said I would only be successful with bypass...this frightened me away for a year
• CURRENT STATUS: found a different surgeon, am scheduled for LapBand surgery on March 31st. I am excited, nervous and hopeful. Hopeful feels good, it's been a long time since I felt hopeful

I have two daughters who I want to be healthy for and a husband who has seen it all and still loves and supports me. My biggest concerns are leaving carbination (diet coke and sparkling water) behind. I may need to bury a bottle of pelligrino in the back yard as a ceremonial parting! I am also worried about not drinking while I eat, I never noticed how much I do that until now!

I look forward to getting to know all of you as I have spent hours and hours reading your blogs, going back from the very beginning to your current statuses, what an amazing group of women!