Wednesday, April 20, 2011

catching up

I am now nearly three weeks out and am finally feeling a bit better. I had two setbacks which left me exhausted and discouraged but the last several days have been pretty darn good.

I have spent a lot of time around food, cooking and preparing for Passover. There so many moments where I would have snacked or eaten in the past and honestly the food just was not on my radar. I was comfortable around the food- I felt in control instead of the other way around.

The weight loss has slowed considerably, which can be frustrating. My Doc recommends people weigh in once a week to diminish getting stressed about all the "noise" in between, the psychiatric nurse I met with says she thinks people should weigh everyday- she calls stepping on the scale- "facing the devil."

Two questions for you-
1. Do you weigh everyday?
2. Do you have a scale that you LOVE? (HA- like anyone could love a scale...but you know what I mean!)

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

day 5

I'm sort of ready to get back to real life. I am still having some real shoulder discomfort and after weaning off the loritab this weekend I am feeling more sore. I am also having some discomfort in my upper diaphragm, I am assuming that is where the hernia was repaired.

There is also only so much yogurt and soft liquidy type foods one can take. I am pretty low energy and think that will help when I transition to mushies. Mostly, I can not believe I am on the other side. I can't lie- I love the feeling of not being hungry. Physically hungry. I am noticing that I seem to want to munch at night regardless of the hunger- my  mind is so used to the habit. I am trying to be clear on the emotion, address it and move on. I think there will be a lot of that in my future.

I wonder if that emotional need/desire to snack will ever go away? Veteran bandsters?

Friday, April 1, 2011

the other side

Whew. It's over. I am so glad to have the surgery behind me. I am still pretty loopy from the narcotics, but- wanted to quickly write to say I made it.

I had a small hernia to repair which I think is causing some of my discomfort and for sure adding the the left shoulder pain, which has been pretty crummy.

I'm hoping to start tapering the pain meds tomorrow so I can be more alert and with it around here.

I did have lots of emotions immediately post op- thinking "what have I done"- "I hope I made the right decision" and feeling in general pretty anxious. Those feelings seems to be subsiding. Wondering if anyone else felt that way too?

More details to come- thanks for reading.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011


This is it.
Surgery is at 7 am tomorrow morning- we need to be there at 6. OUCH.

I am anticipatory. Ready to be on the other side of this part of the journey and hopeful. All good things I think.

More to come!

Monday, March 28, 2011

3 more sleeps

After returning from our trip I began the liquid pre-op diet the very next morning, on my way to my pre-op appointment. I drank half a shake and by the time I got to the office I was so sick to my stomach. After spending a good deal of time in the bathroom the pre-op nurse told me to jettison the shakes and to jsut count calories - no more than 870 each day.

After finishing 3 days of 800-87 calories a day I am feeling triumphant. It was tough - saynig good-bye to the Diet Coke and all sweets etc. I am trying to work on identifying the emotions behind the hunger I am feeling. When you are eating so little, it is actually easier to identify the emotions because they are not just numbed by food.

The weight seems to be moving in the right direction which is a relief. I am having some cold feet for sure, not sure what to expect and worried about the initial recovery.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

yet another reason

I am doing this.

We just arrived home from 3.5 days of walking Disneyland. I tried to be tough and hang in there with the family, but I was in so much physical pain it was ridiculous. My back hurt and seized up, my feet ached, my hips were terrible. I kept thinking...this is the last time I will feel like this at Disneyland. This was our first trip and I had been very worried about how I would feel with all the walking, and it looks like I had good reason to be worried. Being heavy and short - or tall- can be so hard on our bodies. For me, I fall on the short side at just 5 feet tall, and the weight just compresses my low back and puts so much pressure on  my hips and knees and clearly my feet. Ugh. I struggled to stay positive and to be focused on the fact that I have a plan and tool coming my way.


Tomorrow morning is my pre-op appointment. And then on to getting my life in order for the start of spring quarter Wednesday and surgery Thursday.

Saturday, March 19, 2011 all the right places

I went to my first support group meeting this week. My center allows you to go once you have a surgery date. I was apprehensive. A little anxious to say the least. Not sure who or what I would encounter.

I walked through the door and the very first person I saw was someone I knew. Let's call him C. C and I had literally just had coffee on Monday. He did not mention anything and I of course have been planning to keep this mostly to myself. When we greeted each other at the support group we chuckled and sat down together. His surgery was 2 weeks ago and he is doing great. He was March 1st and I am scheduled for March 31st- we thought it was cute that we bookended the month. Such a small, small world sometimes.

The topic was all about food. IRONIC! And one of the surgeons even did a cooking demonstration which was pretty great. He made spaghetti squash recipe and they passed around taste testers, it was delish.

Afterward the main topic the group broke down into smaller groups. I joined the newbies, but wish I had gone with the emotional eating group. My group had little to say and I found myself getting into a side conversation to the person next to me. She was super helpful, she has had her band for a month and had just gotten her first fill. I'm glad we met and though she lives several hours away hope we can support one another.

I am so grateful to be getting comments on my posts, it feels so good to know people are out there- either having walked this path before me, or who I may be able to help as they think about taking this journey themselves.

Next steps for me.

  • vacation with my husband and kiddos starting Sunday
  • back in town Thursday
  • begin the pre-op diet Friday
  • pre-op appointment Friday morning
  • first day of spring quarter Wednesday night (did I mention I'm in grad school)
More to come, happy weekend everyone.