This is it.
Surgery is at 7 am tomorrow morning- we need to be there at 6. OUCH.
I am anticipatory. Ready to be on the other side of this part of the journey and hopeful. All good things I think.
More to come!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
3 more sleeps
After returning from our trip I began the liquid pre-op diet the very next morning, on my way to my pre-op appointment. I drank half a shake and by the time I got to the office I was so sick to my stomach. After spending a good deal of time in the bathroom the pre-op nurse told me to jettison the shakes and to jsut count calories - no more than 870 each day.
After finishing 3 days of 800-87 calories a day I am feeling triumphant. It was tough - saynig good-bye to the Diet Coke and all sweets etc. I am trying to work on identifying the emotions behind the hunger I am feeling. When you are eating so little, it is actually easier to identify the emotions because they are not just numbed by food.
The weight seems to be moving in the right direction which is a relief. I am having some cold feet for sure, not sure what to expect and worried about the initial recovery.
After finishing 3 days of 800-87 calories a day I am feeling triumphant. It was tough - saynig good-bye to the Diet Coke and all sweets etc. I am trying to work on identifying the emotions behind the hunger I am feeling. When you are eating so little, it is actually easier to identify the emotions because they are not just numbed by food.
The weight seems to be moving in the right direction which is a relief. I am having some cold feet for sure, not sure what to expect and worried about the initial recovery.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
yet another reason
I am doing this.
We just arrived home from 3.5 days of walking Disneyland. I tried to be tough and hang in there with the family, but I was in so much physical pain it was ridiculous. My back hurt and seized up, my feet ached, my hips were terrible. I kept thinking...this is the last time I will feel like this at Disneyland. This was our first trip and I had been very worried about how I would feel with all the walking, and it looks like I had good reason to be worried. Being heavy and short - or tall- can be so hard on our bodies. For me, I fall on the short side at just 5 feet tall, and the weight just compresses my low back and puts so much pressure on my hips and knees and clearly my feet. Ugh. I struggled to stay positive and to be focused on the fact that I have a plan and tool coming my way.
Onward.
Tomorrow morning is my pre-op appointment. And then on to getting my life in order for the start of spring quarter Wednesday and surgery Thursday.
We just arrived home from 3.5 days of walking Disneyland. I tried to be tough and hang in there with the family, but I was in so much physical pain it was ridiculous. My back hurt and seized up, my feet ached, my hips were terrible. I kept thinking...this is the last time I will feel like this at Disneyland. This was our first trip and I had been very worried about how I would feel with all the walking, and it looks like I had good reason to be worried. Being heavy and short - or tall- can be so hard on our bodies. For me, I fall on the short side at just 5 feet tall, and the weight just compresses my low back and puts so much pressure on my hips and knees and clearly my feet. Ugh. I struggled to stay positive and to be focused on the fact that I have a plan and tool coming my way.
Onward.
Tomorrow morning is my pre-op appointment. And then on to getting my life in order for the start of spring quarter Wednesday and surgery Thursday.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
support...in all the right places
I went to my first support group meeting this week. My center allows you to go once you have a surgery date. I was apprehensive. A little anxious to say the least. Not sure who or what I would encounter.
I walked through the door and the very first person I saw was someone I knew. Let's call him C. C and I had literally just had coffee on Monday. He did not mention anything and I of course have been planning to keep this mostly to myself. When we greeted each other at the support group we chuckled and sat down together. His surgery was 2 weeks ago and he is doing great. He was March 1st and I am scheduled for March 31st- we thought it was cute that we bookended the month. Such a small, small world sometimes.
The topic was all about food. IRONIC! And one of the surgeons even did a cooking demonstration which was pretty great. He made spaghetti squash recipe and they passed around taste testers, it was delish.
Afterward the main topic the group broke down into smaller groups. I joined the newbies, but wish I had gone with the emotional eating group. My group had little to say and I found myself getting into a side conversation to the person next to me. She was super helpful, she has had her band for a month and had just gotten her first fill. I'm glad we met and though she lives several hours away hope we can support one another.
I am so grateful to be getting comments on my posts, it feels so good to know people are out there- either having walked this path before me, or who I may be able to help as they think about taking this journey themselves.
Next steps for me.
I walked through the door and the very first person I saw was someone I knew. Let's call him C. C and I had literally just had coffee on Monday. He did not mention anything and I of course have been planning to keep this mostly to myself. When we greeted each other at the support group we chuckled and sat down together. His surgery was 2 weeks ago and he is doing great. He was March 1st and I am scheduled for March 31st- we thought it was cute that we bookended the month. Such a small, small world sometimes.
The topic was all about food. IRONIC! And one of the surgeons even did a cooking demonstration which was pretty great. He made spaghetti squash recipe and they passed around taste testers, it was delish.
Afterward the main topic the group broke down into smaller groups. I joined the newbies, but wish I had gone with the emotional eating group. My group had little to say and I found myself getting into a side conversation to the person next to me. She was super helpful, she has had her band for a month and had just gotten her first fill. I'm glad we met and though she lives several hours away hope we can support one another.
I am so grateful to be getting comments on my posts, it feels so good to know people are out there- either having walked this path before me, or who I may be able to help as they think about taking this journey themselves.
Next steps for me.
- vacation with my husband and kiddos starting Sunday
- back in town Thursday
- begin the pre-op diet Friday
- pre-op appointment Friday morning
- first day of spring quarter Wednesday night (did I mention I'm in grad school)
- SURGERY THURSDAY
More to come, happy weekend everyone.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
dreaming of bandland
Anytime I am about to embark on something big or there are intense things happening in my life these things always show up in my dreams.
Last night I had a dream that I was talking to my Doc after the surgery about how I was one of the only patients she had ever had who could not lose weight. She was mystified and I was crushed.
OY.
I know I my confidence is bruised from my past attempts, but I also know I need to believe in myself- so the positive affirmations and self talk begin today.
In other news- the countdown has officially about to begin- surgery is in 19 days. Pre-op diet begins in 12 days. I am nervous for the diet, but also see it as a detox opportunity.
How was the pre-op diet for all of you??
Thursday, March 10, 2011
misplaced my confidence
First of all...I have comments! There are real people out there! Thank you so much to http://ladylapband.blogspot.com/ for the shout out! I find it comforting to know that I am not alone in my emotions and I hope to one day be able to offer people a place to read hopeful things as all of you have offered me.
In my continued reading of all of the WLS blogs I found something that stopped me in my tracks. (I wrote it down when I read it and i am so sorry I can not give the blogger who posted this credit...)
Even with a tool like the lapband I need to accept that my behavior need to be different. I would like to think that with a step as serious as a surgical intervention I will be motivated to change my behavior- for good. I wish I felt more confident. I used to be more confident in general. I think after some time this yo-yo cycle has taken a real toll on my ability to see myself as a success.
Experienced banders- this one is for you: When did you begin to feel confident in your ability to succeed at weight loss with the band. Were you apprehensive in the beginning?
In my continued reading of all of the WLS blogs I found something that stopped me in my tracks. (I wrote it down when I read it and i am so sorry I can not give the blogger who posted this credit...)
you can't continue the same behavior and expect a different resultThere it is.
Even with a tool like the lapband I need to accept that my behavior need to be different. I would like to think that with a step as serious as a surgical intervention I will be motivated to change my behavior- for good. I wish I felt more confident. I used to be more confident in general. I think after some time this yo-yo cycle has taken a real toll on my ability to see myself as a success.
Experienced banders- this one is for you: When did you begin to feel confident in your ability to succeed at weight loss with the band. Were you apprehensive in the beginning?
Monday, March 7, 2011
getting ready to say good-bye
Addicted. I developed my love for the DC in college. I continued to love it in Grad School but I could still take it or leave it. And then...I had children and the feeling of the first sip of a fountain Diet Coke brought me such immense pleasure, I imagine it is how some people feel about a first drink of wine. I don't drink alcohol at all, it makes me feel sick to my stomach. So for years and years as other people have been drinking wine and cocktails I've been hanging with my Diet Coke.
No more cold, fizzy carbonation. A small sacrifice for the chance at a healthier life.
The time has come to say good-bye. I will need to find that deep sigh in something else. Some other way to soothe a frazzled moment.
I know this will be hard. It's like saying good-bye to an old friend.
Question: if you loved carbonated drinks in the past, what do you enjoy now that you are banded?
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